Homesick.

I wrote this last night, doesn't mean anything, I was just waiting on a subway platform, and started scribbling...

Today I experienced my first moment of homesickness. It hit me as I stepped into the Madrid Metro, returning to a friend's house where I am staying alone. I can't say for sure that it is not just Madrid, I actually hate this city. I have yet to feel at home in this place -- the closest I came was while riding a bus out of Madrid -- Granada bound. That's when I saw you...

Heavily bearded, English speaking (what a relief), towering, with eyes that nearly blinded me they were so beautiful, the sight of you made me feel weak all over.

For the next three weeks, you were my home away from home. Playing the role of confidant, naviagator, partner-in-crime, protector, lover, brother, friend. No memories before you (us). A more metaphysical connection never existed between two strangers. You were my counterpart in a past-life -- current-life -- future-life.

Bus back to Madrid with new friends I love, railways, motorways, taxis, comforts you don't get in a hostel/hotel. But as I write this, I catch a glimpse of my thighs, sunburnt, peaking out from under my summer dress, bruised from your kisses, and I am homesick.

Homesick for a place that does not exist. I have no home to return to, furniture in NYC and LA, no place to call my own. Been that way for a long while now; for the last year I have found my home in the hearts of those around me. Friends who have touched me or been touched by me, and have allowed me in.

You made it clear you were not taking any guests, "closed off" by your own admission. Maybe I forced the lock, or you left a backdoor unlocked unknowingly, but someway -- by some miracle, you let me inside your home (your heart).

A temporary guest, 3 weeks to be exact. Helping each other, or hurting each other, but knowing each other from the first hello.

Like a home built for two. A feeling of comfort from the first step inside.

But homesickness, as with other sentiments fades with time. So I am taking solace in that fact and in the hope that maybe somewhere you are missing home too.